The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever
by Master of All Genres
Summary: New chapter for all you faithful readers, and this one reveals why Ash has so many friggin siblings. And it also appears that the site is ignoring the fact that I want some things centered, so just ignore the uncentered title.
1. Unoriginal Trainer

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon. I just write fanfiction because I am a sad, lonely person. Please don't sue me. Please.

A/N: A totally revamped first chapter. Yet it is still just as pointless as the one it replaces. Big surprise. (Note: If you want to read the original chapter that this replaced, just email me at the address in my profile. I'll be more than happy to send it to you.)

The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

By Master of All Genres

Chapter 1 version 2

Unoriginal Trainer

            A brand new trainer with a great destiny set off from Pallet Town to become the best trainer there ever was. He/she annihilated every gym, caught all the Legendaries, and made the Elite Four his/her bitch. And after this great victory, he/she was shot dead by a crazy person. The moral of this story? Life sucks. Hard.

THE END

A/N: Such a sad story. Anyways, here is a brand new idea of mine: The Crazy Story Idea. It's rather simple, really. I make up an extremely stupid story idea for your amusement. Whether you write it or not is up to you, the demented reader of this fic. Just email me to inform me if you do decide to publicly humiliate yourself by writing the story and posting it on this site. So on with the Crazy Story Idea!

The Crazy Story Idea

            Crossover with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Ash somehow ends up falling in love with Jon Stewart and they make sweet, sweet love in the Daily Show studio. Preferably a lemon, but not required.

So, that's The Crazy Story Idea. And be sure to check out the other new chapter I put up!


	2. Ash and Misty Sittin' In a Tree

A/N: That's right, another chapter. This is going to be a series of Pokemon fanfiction story types condensed to their purest forms. (In other words, a complete waste of your time.) Also, I don't own Pokemon.

                                                    The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

                                                                              Chapter 2

                                                              Ash and Misty Sittin' In a Tree…

            Ash and Misty revealed their feelings for each other. They kissed. They got married. They had kids. They died.

                                                            THE END

A/N: I am gonna get flamed. No doubts about it.


	3. I Smell a Lemon

A/N: Now I've kicked up the naughtiness factor a bit. Sure, the last chapters were G rated, but now naughtiness has invaded. (And if you like this chapter, check out my other story, "A Trainer's Balls". And before I forget, I don't own Pokemon. Also, I take no responsibility for any blindness caused by reading this chapter. You have been warned. 

                    The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

                                                                                 Chapter 3

                                                                           I Smell a Lemon…

                                                                     By Master of All Genres

            Ash and Misty, ah, 'enjoyed' themselves in the most explicit way one could imagine. Plenty of colorful words and imagery combined to make a story so filthy that millions of Fanfiction.net readers were forced to cleanse their eyes with iodine. And then kill themselves.

                                                            THE FILTHY END

A/N: As mentioned above, if you like this sort of stuff check out my other fic called "A Trainer's Balls". You would enjoy it. Oh, and in the next chapter, I'll be dealing with yaoi, so keep an eye out for it!


	4. Utter Filth

A/N: Be warned that this story causes blindness and death in laboratory mice. You have been warned. And I don't own Pokemon.

                The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

                              By Master of All Genres          

       Chapter 4: Utter Filth

            Ash turned out to be screamingly gay. So did Gary. They made some kissy kissy luv facin'. Next, they made some gay man love. Millions of fan girls squealed in joy, and millions of normal people burned their computer monitors. Then Tracy joined in. Then Brock. Then Bruno. Then every male ever shown in the game and anime series. Finally, before every computer in the world melted, the author had a heart attack and died, therefore sparing the world of a horrible fate.

THE END

A/N: I have one thing to say: I'm sorry for subjecting you to that, but you were warned. Repeatedly. So put the gun away. Also, send all praise/hate mail/death threats to RHW369@aol.com 


	5. Oh Sanity, Where Art Thou?

A/N: Yet another story in my "popular" series. As usual, flames are expected, and will be laughed at. And before I forget, I feel it's time to reveal a horrible secret: Xing hates my guts. That is all.

                        The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

                                    Oh Sanity, Where Art Thou?

                                    By The Master of All Genres

            It was a nice, peaceful day in Pallet Town. Until the monkeys, pikachus, musicas, rag rappies, chocobos, stupid white men, George W. Bush clones, go-playing ghosts, Republicans, card playing teens with split personalities and crazy hair, Puchuus, various Digimon, insane fangirls who insist that Ash and Brock are gay, webmasters who don't appreciate pointless stories, loony right wing bible thumpers, Taliban, really smart Welsh Corgis, men in red trenchcoats who won't kill, Ctarl-Ctarl empire, and Shinra invaded. Needless to say, everyone died.

                                                   THE END

A/N: See how many anime and video game references you can find up there. Anyways, I have decided to institute a new feature: The What The Fuck!? Awards. In every new chapter or story I will name a website that simply makes you go "What the Fuck!?" 

                                    This Chapter's Winner

                                          The Porkydex

Can't get link to show up, so just go to a search engine and search for "Porkydex"

Guaranteed to make you go "What the Fuck!?".


	6. Making Mewtwos For Fun And Profit

A/N: Yes, I am back, and wasting even more of your precious, precious, time. So, on with the time wasting!

                                    The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

                                      Making Mewtwos For Fun And Profit

                                            By The Master Of All Genres

            Team Rocket, being the total retards they are, decide to make another Mewtwo/Mewthree/Whatever. The unthinkable happens, and it escapes killing everyone/some/nobody/. He/she then proceeds to find the first Mewtwo/destroy Team Rocket/destroy any respect it has earned from the readers by screwing or getting screwed by the original Mewtwo, depending on the gender of the Mewtwo/Mewthree/Whatever. 

                                                        THE END

A/N: As usual, flames are welcomed, 'cause they're so damn amusing. Anyways, it is time for the What The Fuck?! Award. 

Winner of the What The Fuck?! Award for this chapter:

ww w.pokemon-hentai.org  (Remove the space)

Warning: If you are at ALL turned on by this site, please kill yourself. Humanity will thank you for it. And just to be safe, burn your computer after visiting. Oh, and don't go to the site either if you are under 18 or have any sense of decency. 

And that is all for this chapter. Ciao!


	7. Mmmm, Angst

A/N: Brand new chapter for you, the discerning fanfiction reader. Enjoy! And as usual, flames are welcomed and will be cuddled.

The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

By Master of All Genres

Chapter 7: Mmmm, Angst….

            One day, Ash suddenly ate it. And Misty was very, very sad. So she killed herself. Needless to say, this made everyone sad. And led to even more suicides. 

MEANWHILE, IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

            Misty died. So Ash killed himself. Like in the other universe, this led to more suicides.

THE SAD, SAD, END

A/N: Now that was sad. So sad, in fact, that I will now kill myself. See you in Hell! NOTE: The author will not actually kill himself. Just so you know. 

And now for the What The Fuck?! Award!

Winner of the What The Fuck?! Award

man-faye.mooniidx.com

Okay, so it's not related to Pokemon, but it is still disturbing enough to make it the winner of the WTF?! Award. (And in case you don't know who he's cosplaying as, it's Faye from Cowboy Bebop. Who is a woman. Make your own conclusions)

And that's all for this update! Be sure to watch for the next one!


	8. Giant Prehistoric Zucchinis

A special warning before you read this chapter: Having recently become obsessed with the phrase "giant prehistoric zucchini", I will constantly mention the phrase or variants of it whenever possible. If you have ANY aversion to that phrase, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER.

And on a different, giant prehistoric zucchini free note, this is the chapter where AU's are mercilessly trashed by me, the giant prehistoric zucchini obsessed author.

The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

Chapter 9

Giant Prehistoric Zucchinis

            One day, Ash the caveman was eaten by a giant prehistoric zucchini.

MEANWHILE, IN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE #475904

            Ash the astronaut was vaporized by a giant space zucchini.

MEANWHILE, IN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE #8678346

            Ash got a giant prehistoric zucchini Pokemon instead of a Pikachu for his starter Pokemon.

MEANWHILE, IN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE #5372502

            Pokemon train humans. Oh, and giant prehistoric zucchinis are also trained.

THE GIANT PREHISTORIC ZUCCHINI FILLED END

Okay, that is the end of this chapter. And remember: May the giant prehistoric zucchinis be with you. Always. 

What The Fuck?! Award 

The winner this chapter is, drumroll please,

ww w.b3ta.com/spidermanwillmakeyougay/

Guaranteed to make you go What The Fuck?! and laugh your ass off.


	9. OMGWTFBBQ or, Ash Gets Turned Into A Pok...

A/N: I have nothing to say. Just read the damn story.

-

The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

Chapter 10

OMGWTFBBQ (or, Ash is Turned Into A Pokemon)

-

-

            One day Ash was turned into a Pokemon. What type of Pokemon he was turne into doesn't really matter. Ash was turned into a Pokemon, for lack of a better reason, by the wizards.

(Insert 10 page explanation of why wizards exist in the Pokemon world)

-

            Anyways, Ash has many adventures as a Pokemon, including…

(Insert 15 page description of hot, steamy, Pokesex)

and he eventually gets turned back into a human. By the wizards. 

(Insert 143 pages of random crap about Ash becoming a wizard. But that's another pointless story.)

-

            And then the world was destroyed by rampaging giant prehistoric zucchinis.

-

THE END

-

A/N: You thought I was done with the giant prehistoric zucchini jokes? You were wrong. And so I won't get my ass sued, I blatantly stole the idea of giant prehistoric zucchinis from a Dave Barry book. (Dave Barry Hits Below The Beltway to be exact.) So if you want more giant prehistoric zucchinis, go read it.

-

And now the winner of the What The Fuck?! award….

-

www. reallybadfanfiction.com

-

Guaranteed to make you go What The Fuck?!

-

And it should be noted that there is some VERY disgusting stuff on that site, and I recommend that if you have a weak stomach, avoid it at all costs. Please.

-

And the next chapter will be about Ash having so many freaking long lost relatives. And songs inserted into the story to make up for a complete inability to write. Till next time.


	10. Ash's Mom Is A Dirty Slut and Ash's 'Pro...

A/N: The longest chapter yet, simply because I squeezed two cliches into one story. Plus a song that will make you cringe. Enjoy this nice little story which is obviously a sign that I need help.

The Most Pointless Pokemon Stories Ever

Chapter 10

Ash's Mom Is A Dirty Slut and Ash's 'Problem'

One day, Ash found out he had some siblings. Nine thousand three hundred thirty five, to be exact. Needless to say, Ash's mom had been around the block. A lot. Plus, she hated condoms. So, all of Ash's brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins and in-laws and former roommates teamed up to catch a giant prehistoric zucchini. But this isn't the end of the story. Oh no. Ash, being the two-timer he is, managed to get both May and Misty pregnant within close proximity of each other. Since Misty was having a boy and May was having a girl, Ash decided to 'deal' with May's little pregnancy.

I could kick you in the stomach

and catch you unaware

I could swear to God you accidently fell down that flight of stair

I will tell you that I love you

and look you in the eye

as I slowly slide the hanger up your thigh

and Ash eventually dumped Misty which ended with Misty becoming a crack whore and having the baby crushed by the aforementioned giant prehistoric zucchini.

THE END

The nice little ditty up there is part of the song "For The Ladies" by Stephen Lynch. And yes, those are the actual lyrics. Oh, and if you haven't noticed yet, the chapter numbers are wrong, which is because I had to delete a chapter. And I won't be fixing them because I'm really, really lazy.

What The Fuck?! Award

This chapter's winner is.......

www.stephenlynch. com

Ah yes, Stephen Lynch. Sings nice little songs guaranteed to make you go "What The Fuck?!" (And it should be noted that there are some song samples you can listen to. I recommend "Best Friends" Trust me.

And that's all for now. And yes, giant prehistoric zucchinis will make an appearance in every chapter from now on. See you the next time when my horrible mind thinks of a new story.


End file.
